I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
