eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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