Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
