Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Randomize
