You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
