Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
