just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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