With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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