I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
