Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Found the puke drawer
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
