We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
