And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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