i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
