the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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