I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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