What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
