It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
