When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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