dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
