U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
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I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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