Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
