Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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