wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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