Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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