she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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