I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize