I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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