So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
