do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
