just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
