I showed him my bush... on skype.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
