i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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