; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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