i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
