So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
