I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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