I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
