He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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