Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
He kissed a someone with a penis
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Randomize
