well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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