epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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