I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
How external is "for external use only"?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
