Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The air was thick with penises
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
