I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
