I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
