I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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