i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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