i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
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were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
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Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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