im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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