I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
