summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
