You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
