I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
