I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
