I wish they made helmets for livers.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
