My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
