Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
