nut hugger
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
