Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
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