Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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