i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I think I just shit out all my problems.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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