I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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