Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
