Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
