I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
