I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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