I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
we have officially lost it.
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
