the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
