so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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