I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
