Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
he fucked my hip out of place.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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