No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
