While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
