Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
