remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
