either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Randomize
