The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
That accounts for only three of the penises
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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