"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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