Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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