I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
We are two peas in an std pod
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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